Allison Heutsche, Founder ArtAsan Jewelry
What is it to be a woman?
Me in my most natural state. Most days hair up, no makeup and just being myself.
No pretense. No facade. Comfortable exactly how I am in the world.
Proud of my wrinkles and gray hair. Confident in my 40’s
What has shifted in your life since sitting in women’s circles?
Finding courage to be myself and allow my boyfriend to see all of me.
That was something that took many moons circles, lots of writing, new moon intentions and full moon illuminating intentions to reveal what old ideas I was afraid to let go and what parts of my I didn’t want tofully show.
Be it financial insecurity (that I didn’t have enough), sexual desires, or just the simple one on one conversation through truth and intimacy, I found through many months and years of attending the moon circles, I was able to clear away blocks and allow new experiences to happen.
One example – I was asked about a trip to London. I had to reveal the honest truth that at 40 years old I didn’t have credit cards or the financial means to go. I had to find the willingness to be vulnerable and let my new boyfriend see a part of me that I had shame around. I had to trust that he was safe enough to not judge me but instead have compassion and love to make me feel that I was enough exactly where I was at.
That situation (which to some may seem small) was huge for me to honor myself enough to not pretend I was someone else or to put myself in debt to be “accepted”. I let go of old behavior to have a new experience.
We live together now and I continue to have many opportunities to trust this man to see me in all states and allow him to support me through my many changes.
Another example is I had been attending the circle for three years and continually put on my new moon intentions, hoping things would change in my relationship so I could have a connection with boyfriend –where sexually I could feel free to honor my body and have a freedom to be comfortable with my partner. It didn’t happen with that man. It was in the timing of a new relationship that I can say with much gratitude that it has been my experience and it continues to grow with my new partner over the past two years.
When and how are you willing to be Vulnerable?
My eyes are one of my favorite things about myself. I believe that the eyes are a window
into my soul and have gotten more clear as the years have gone by and with the
self introspection I have done. I can always tell where my mental state is with how clear
my eyes are. If my eyes seem foggy chances are so is my head and heart.
What tools do you use when you are triggered?
My bath… my most favorite tool that I have. 30-60 minutes in hot water, candle lit and door locked.
Usually White Sun Mantras playing as I soak and release all of the tension I am holding on to from
the day or week. I would give up a full kitchen in an apartment if it meant I could have a bath tub.
There is nothing more beneficial to me then a hot bath and some quiet contemplative time.